i jhust puked up my retainher.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize