that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
