i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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