just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
