It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
