fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
