omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
