remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
