Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
