I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
