Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My nipple is on Facebook.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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