Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
