last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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