In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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