I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
last night I used snow as a chaser
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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