What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
