Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
