Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
