dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
