Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize