I cockslap morals
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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