oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
