walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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