When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
