who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
