Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
