the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
