matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My liver just broke up with me...
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
