if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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