Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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