I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
