Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
