He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
