You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
