You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
