he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
