Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
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