did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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