Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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