just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
