So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
