I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
