Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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