Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
