lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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