so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
