Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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