the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
