Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Randomize
