3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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