idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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