there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
