yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
