what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
