I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
