you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
