OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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