She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
