Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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