hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
