kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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