Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
