From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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