He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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