Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
