And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize