apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
