Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
