Whoa Z and x make the same sound
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
