i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
