Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
