Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
