she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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