She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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