I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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