yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He kissed a someone with a penis
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
