He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
