I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
