I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
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