i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
