So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
