my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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