well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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