At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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