Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
