he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
