Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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