there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Ladies don't puke and tell
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
