All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
