I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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