People in love make me want to vomit
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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