My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
