Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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