I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
This show inspires me to have sex in space
two words...techno handjob
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize