i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
