In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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