Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
