i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
