just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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