Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
